Today’s horror movie is a throwback to a time when the Sci-Fi channel decided to join in on the horror movie game.
Yeah, the early 2000s was a weird time for cable tv. I’m not gonna say all the movies that came out of that time were bad, but…
I mean, it’s called Frankenfish, guys. Frankenfish. They had me at hello.
Needless to say, these movies were not exactly Oscar award-winning…but really, few horror movies are anyway, so, no judgment here.
This week’s movie…
Hallowed Ground starring Jaime Alexander, Brian McNamara, Ethan Phillips, Chloe Grace Moretz, Ned Vaughn, Jim Cody Williams, Nick Chinlund, and Hudson Leick.
Before we get going, some of you serious sci-fi/horror geeks might recognize a few names in that list. I know you all know Chloe Moretz, (Let me in? That last Carrie movie? Kickass?) but if you’re an old head like me, then you probably recognize Ethan Phillips and Hudson Leick.
That’s right. Neelix from Voyager and Callisto from Xena: Warrior Princess. It wouldn’t be a made for cable tv horror movie without at least two veterans in the game.
Aaaanyway, let’s do a dos and donts list for this one.
DO:
Get your car checked before you go out of town. This movie begins with our main character Liz (Alexander) driving out in the middle of nowhere when her car breaks down. She ends up in a small town with creepy people. Typical horror movie set up.
DON’T:
Agree to go to a sketchy abandoned anything with somebody you just met. I mean, if you go into a town and some reporter named Sarah (Leick) tells you an ancient messed up story about a curse and some killer scarecrows, don’t go to the abandoned house where the curse started. If you do, you might get messed up...like Sarah.
DO:
Go get help if a crazy killer gets murdery. The one thing that Liz does almost immediately, is run and get help when a scarecrow. Unfortunately, just like poor Laurie in Halloween 2, the scary scarecrow shows up and starts murdering people, buuuttt…
DON’T:
Be afraid to fight back when a killer is coming after you. Find a weapon and use it. A shotgun works really good.
DO:
Trust no one. A few times while Liz is trying to run from the monster she puts her trust in the townspeople. That pretty much goes bad every time she does it. So it’s better just to not trust anybody. That being said, especially, but ESPECIALLY
DON’T:
Trust the good-looking Sherriff. When everything starts going haywire, old Sheriff Hottie (McNamara) flips on her like a pancake and sells her out to the crazy townspeople. It's like I always say:
DO:
Rescue abandoned children in the crazy killer cult. I mean, rescue abandoned children when there’s a killer anything around. It’s just good Karma.
DON’T:
Hesitate to get the hell out of dodge as soon as you possibly can. And take the abandoned child with you.
So, did I like this movie? Eh. I didn’t hate it. And as sci-fi horror movies from 2007 go, it wasn’t that bad at all. Yeah, I’ll throw it a jewel.
So, next week we’re tackling another new edition – the Hellboy remake…reboot, whatever. See you next week!
O~
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Rescue abandoned children in the crazy killer cult. I mean, rescue abandoned children when there’s a killer anything around. It’s just good Karma.
DON’T:
Hesitate to get the hell out of dodge as soon as you possibly can. And take the abandoned child with you.
So, did I like this movie? Eh. I didn’t hate it. And as sci-fi horror movies from 2007 go, it wasn’t that bad at all. Yeah, I’ll throw it a jewel.
So, next week we’re tackling another new edition – the Hellboy remake…reboot, whatever. See you next week!
O~
*
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