Sunday, April 26, 2020

This Week on Supernatural

Hidey Ho, Horror Nuts and welcome to another WTFHM!

Guess who forgot to post last week.

I'm really sorry guys. Blame it on the quarantine. I can barely keep track of days anymore. :(

Well, this week, we’re going into an H.P. Lovecraft horror story.

Now, those of you not familiar with the work of H.P. Lovecraft (and I seriously doubt that many of you are unfamiliar with him if you’re reading this blog) he was a horror writer back in the 1800s or so who created Cthulhu

You know Cthulhu. This guy?

Yeah, lots and lots of horror filmmakers have made many, many, many, many movies over the years based on his work – primarily, the Cthulhu mythos

All that might be pretty interesting except for the fact that no one ever follows the actual story that the movie came from. Like, ever. Most Lovecraftian adaptations are set in modern times and just barely contain anything of the original story…except for the star of the show, you guessed it…

That being said, this week’s movie! 

The Dunwich Horror starring Sarah Lieving, Griff Furst, Dean Stockwell, Jeffrey Combs, Natacha Itzel, Leigh Scott, Lauren Michele, Lacey Minchew, and M. Steven Felty.

That’s right, old heads, you read that correctly. If you remember Quantum Leap, or about half a dozen movies and tv shows in the eighties, you remember Dean Stockwell.

So, of the Lovecraftian adaptations, this one is actually kind of sticks to the original story…kind of…

The original story goes like this; A woman has two sons from a demon father…

Wait. Sorry. That was a spoiler in the original story, as it turns out. Not that it matters here because like I said--

Anyway, in the original story, this woman gives birth to Wilbur Whately, who is taught the ways of black magic. Meanwhile, an unseen force grows to an enormous size and fills the house. Whately goes to a university to find the Necronomicon—

Yeah, that Necronomicon. So, he goes there to get it, gets mauled by a guard dog and dies. Meanwhile, the thing in his house breaks out and lays waste to mankind.

So, how does this movie measure up? Actually, this one is pretty close to the original story.

I know what I said, but hey, it was bound to happen. Somebody actually decided to do a Lovecraftian story that isn’t all that far from the original.


Well, it's just that this was a tv movie and as such, it…I was H.P. Lovecraft if he wrote for television.

Try to imagine the cast of Charmed battling against an ancient evil with a spellbook…

Okay, so that’s basically Charmed. And Buffy. And Supernatural

I'm saying, Dr. Armitage (Stockwell) has magical powers. Actual, magical powers that no one explains.

There are ancient artifacts. Artifacts that appear and are never brought up again.

Ancient demon books. 

Witches, demons, and monsters…

I was legit waiting for the next episode to find out Dr. Armitage's origin story or what the weird, glowy puzzle box thing was about. This movie could have a great low budget CW show for real.

The big question is whether or not this particular formula worked at all and, well…

It did. I was legit entertained. I hope somebody DOES make a CW show out of this movie. I will be all the way here for that.

So, yeah, a jewel for this one.  The fact of it as that this was a good flick, even if it was just another episode of Supernatural.

Next week! So, I had a little mishap with my hoopla account in that…I hit my limit of borrowing titles. Hey, don't judge me. I’ve been busy.

So, next week’s movie is going to be something from my own personal resource – The movie? We are What We Are. It's a warm fuzzy story about cannibals!

See you next time!


Sunday, April 12, 2020

Flash Gordon was There in Silver Underwear...

(Claude Raines was the invisible man...)

Hidey-Ho, Horror Nuts! And welcome to another WTFHM!

Okay, so this week we revisit the greatest lie I ever told – that I hate remakes, reboots, and reimagines.

Wellll, it’s not really a lie in that I do actually hate it when Hollywood takes a story that was already just fine and sends it through the “let’s remake this thing for some money” shredder.

I mean, all I’m saying is that you don’t slather a perfectly good filet mignon with ketchup.

So, that being said, I’m not going to start this week’s post the way I’ve started all my other “remake” posts by saying something like, “Y’all know I hate remakes…”

Particularly since this time, THIS remake (reimagining, whatever) was actually worth the price of admission.

This week’s Movie!

The Invisible Man starring Elisabeth Moss, Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Harriet Dyer, Aldis Hodge, Storm Reid, and Michael Dorman.

Now, normally, this is where I give you guys a summary, but being that this is a current movie and I really think you guys should go ahead and rent this one (as long as it’s available on Prime’s Quarantine movie special), I’m going to stick with the highlights.

So, the setup is very Sleeping with the Enemy. Cecilia (Moss) sneaks out of her rich abusive husband’s home and escapes to live with her sister’s friend, James (Hodge). She soon finds herself being stalked by an invisible force…namely her husband.

See, her husband’s a brilliant scientist who invents a way to make her look crazy as hell by stalking and beating her up while invisible.

So, like I said, no summary. How about a “Reasons why you need to see this movie” review, instead?

Reason #1 – Leigh Whannell had his hands allll over this

Okay, okay, you might recall me ragging on him pretty heavy for his daddy issues in the Insidious series, BUT, he’s still the guy behind the only torture porn I’ve ever recommended to people who hate torture porn (and my own mother).

Apparently, Whannell’s inner muse is back and in full effect in this reimagining of the classic story, which leads me to…

Reason #2 – This is nothing like the original story, AND THAT’S OKAY!

So, if you’re familiar with this classic story, in almost all its incarnations, this is basically a Jekyll and Hyde kind of tale. Brilliant scientist finds a way to make himself invisible, slowly descends into madness and probably starts killing people by the end of the story.

I say probably because it depends on whether you’ve read the book and seen one of the many…




MANY incarnations of this story. Sometimes the invisible man is sympathetic, sometimes not so much. Unlike the other versions, however, THIS version focuses on a victim of the brilliant scientist’s madness. 

Reason #3 – The Correct Usage of Black People in a Horror Movie

Look, let’s be real about this. Black folks do not have a great history in movies, especially horror movies. That being said, I have to give it up to the filmmakers for the character of James, the guy helping Cecilia out while she’s trying to live her life.

James is a lot of things. Here’s a list of things he is not:

The Magical Negro (If you don’t know what that is, here’s a very good explanation)

The love interest/savior 

The sassy comic relief 

The first one to die

Having watched a myriad of horror movies where the one black guy is only there to be sassy, save the white character, spout exposition or die, it’s refreshing to see James just be the guy trying to help out a friend.

Reason #4 – Cecilia gets with the program at the speed of light

So, okay, this one is a good thing for us, but bad for her. Because she’s quick with what’s going on, she ends up looking like a nut to everyone early on.

This makes for a really logical kind of plot set up in that when stuff starts hitting the fan, not only does no one believe her, but it ends up being all up to her to defeat her crazy ex-husband. Which leads me to…

Reason #5 – This movie does not treat you like an idiot

I have an affinity for movies that don’t treat the audience like a pack of morons. (I also have an affinity for movies that are too smart for the room, but that’s another discussion)

The choices Cecilia makes make sense, the way her friends and family turn against her makes sense. It’s frustrating for her and for us, BUT, that’s why it works.

There’s only one scene that didn’t work for me on this level. You’ll know it when you get there because you’ll find yourself going; “Why are you idiots still chasing Cecilia?!”

Reason #6 – The villain has a unibrow

That’s it. That’s the reason. I find villains with extra facial hair to be more evil, that’s all. See? Here's Spock:

And here's Evil Spock:

You see, 20% to 50% more facial hair makes for more evil.  It's science!

Okay, so, this one obviously gets a great big, bloody jewel.

 Now, right now, you can find this one on Amazon Prime for about 20 bucks.

Yeah, I said the same thing…until I realized that I would have spent about that much on two adult tickets had I been able to see this in the theatre.

So, the way I see it, if you’re going to spend money on a horror movie you would have spent in the theatre, check this one out from the comfort of your own home. You can put on the captioning, you can watch it in your pajamas and the popcorn isn’t 50 bucks.

All right, next week, I’ll be dipping into the online service Hoopla. Hoopla is a service that most libraries have (if not that specifically, then some equivalent) where you can check out movies and ebooks and music without leaving your home.

Seriously. Just because the library is closed, doesn’t mean you can’t keep up on your movie watching.

That being said, I had to adjust my rules a little in that the next movie won’t be in alphabetical order. Instead, I chose the first movie that I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen – The Dunwich Horror. It sounds familiar, though, so I guess I won’t know for sure until I start watching it.

As always, I’ll see you next time!