Sunday, April 12, 2020

Flash Gordon was There in Silver Underwear...



(Claude Raines was the invisible man...)
(heh)


Hidey-Ho, Horror Nuts! And welcome to another WTFHM!


Okay, so this week we revisit the greatest lie I ever told – that I hate remakes, reboots, and reimagines.




Wellll, it’s not really a lie in that I do actually hate it when Hollywood takes a story that was already just fine and sends it through the “let’s remake this thing for some money” shredder.




I mean, all I’m saying is that you don’t slather a perfectly good filet mignon with ketchup.

So, that being said, I’m not going to start this week’s post the way I’ve started all my other “remake” posts by saying something like, “Y’all know I hate remakes…”



Particularly since this time, THIS remake (reimagining, whatever) was actually worth the price of admission.


This week’s Movie!



The Invisible Man starring Elisabeth Moss, Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Harriet Dyer, Aldis Hodge, Storm Reid, and Michael Dorman.



Now, normally, this is where I give you guys a summary, but being that this is a current movie and I really think you guys should go ahead and rent this one (as long as it’s available on Prime’s Quarantine movie special), I’m going to stick with the highlights.



So, the setup is very Sleeping with the Enemy. Cecilia (Moss) sneaks out of her rich abusive husband’s home and escapes to live with her sister’s friend, James (Hodge). She soon finds herself being stalked by an invisible force…namely her husband.



See, her husband’s a brilliant scientist who invents a way to make her look crazy as hell by stalking and beating her up while invisible.

So, like I said, no summary. How about a “Reasons why you need to see this movie” review, instead?




Reason #1 – Leigh Whannell had his hands allll over this


Okay, okay, you might recall me ragging on him pretty heavy for his daddy issues in the Insidious series, BUT, he’s still the guy behind the only torture porn I’ve ever recommended to people who hate torture porn (and my own mother).



Apparently, Whannell’s inner muse is back and in full effect in this reimagining of the classic story, which leads me to…




Reason #2 – This is nothing like the original story, AND THAT’S OKAY!

So, if you’re familiar with this classic story, in almost all its incarnations, this is basically a Jekyll and Hyde kind of tale. Brilliant scientist finds a way to make himself invisible, slowly descends into madness and probably starts killing people by the end of the story.

I say probably because it depends on whether you’ve read the book and seen one of the many…



many…




many…



many…



MANY incarnations of this story. Sometimes the invisible man is sympathetic, sometimes not so much. Unlike the other versions, however, THIS version focuses on a victim of the brilliant scientist’s madness. 




Reason #3 – The Correct Usage of Black People in a Horror Movie

Look, let’s be real about this. Black folks do not have a great history in movies, especially horror movies. That being said, I have to give it up to the filmmakers for the character of James, the guy helping Cecilia out while she’s trying to live her life.

James is a lot of things. Here’s a list of things he is not:



The Magical Negro (If you don’t know what that is, here’s a very good explanation)





The love interest/savior 



The sassy comic relief 





The first one to die





Having watched a myriad of horror movies where the one black guy is only there to be sassy, save the white character, spout exposition or die, it’s refreshing to see James just be the guy trying to help out a friend.





Reason #4 – Cecilia gets with the program at the speed of light

So, okay, this one is a good thing for us, but bad for her. Because she’s quick with what’s going on, she ends up looking like a nut to everyone early on.



This makes for a really logical kind of plot set up in that when stuff starts hitting the fan, not only does no one believe her, but it ends up being all up to her to defeat her crazy ex-husband. Which leads me to…





Reason #5 – This movie does not treat you like an idiot


I have an affinity for movies that don’t treat the audience like a pack of morons. (I also have an affinity for movies that are too smart for the room, but that’s another discussion)



The choices Cecilia makes make sense, the way her friends and family turn against her makes sense. It’s frustrating for her and for us, BUT, that’s why it works.



There’s only one scene that didn’t work for me on this level. You’ll know it when you get there because you’ll find yourself going; “Why are you idiots still chasing Cecilia?!”





Reason #6 – The villain has a unibrow


That’s it. That’s the reason. I find villains with extra facial hair to be more evil, that’s all. See? Here's Spock:




And here's Evil Spock:




You see, 20% to 50% more facial hair makes for more evil.  It's science!


Okay, so, this one obviously gets a great big, bloody jewel.



 Now, right now, you can find this one on Amazon Prime for about 20 bucks.



Yeah, I said the same thing…until I realized that I would have spent about that much on two adult tickets had I been able to see this in the theatre.



So, the way I see it, if you’re going to spend money on a horror movie you would have spent in the theatre, check this one out from the comfort of your own home. You can put on the captioning, you can watch it in your pajamas and the popcorn isn’t 50 bucks.



All right, next week, I’ll be dipping into the online service Hoopla. Hoopla is a service that most libraries have (if not that specifically, then some equivalent) where you can check out movies and ebooks and music without leaving your home.



Seriously. Just because the library is closed, doesn’t mean you can’t keep up on your movie watching.

That being said, I had to adjust my rules a little in that the next movie won’t be in alphabetical order. Instead, I chose the first movie that I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen – The Dunwich Horror. It sounds familiar, though, so I guess I won’t know for sure until I start watching it.

As always, I’ll see you next time!

O~
*

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