Hey, hey, horror movie fans! Welcome to another edition of WTFHM!
So, this week, we’re going back to the Ds because of a new edition to the collection AND because this week's movie happens to star Lin Shaye and Ray Wise. Now, I can excuse you from not necessarily knowing who Ray Wise is. I feel that only those of us of a certain age and disposition towards horror and Sci-Fi have an inclination as to the identity of this character actor.
But Giiiirrrrllll, if you don’t know who Lin Shaye is, I’m seriously gonna need you to turn in your WTFHM card.
No, like, seriously. You would have to have been living under a rock for the last fifteen years to have missed her.
Now, you can imagine my general happiness when it comes to checking out movies with a good scream queen. Needless to say, my hopes were high with this one.
Too high...apparently. Anyway, let’s do this thing.
Dead End starring Ray Wise, Lin Shaye, Mick Cain, Alexandra Holden, William Rosenfeld, and Amber Smith.
A family is going on a road trip to grandma’s house only to end up on an unending highway where a ghostly apparition begins stalking and systematically murdering them one by one.
Now, instead of doing the normal breakdown of the movie (because the premise is pretty straight forward), I decided to do a little Do’s and Don’t’s list for finding yourself in a horror movie while traveling for the holidays.
DO:
Stay on the main road. I cannot stress this enough. STAY ON THE MAIN ROAD.
The problems with this family are numerous from the beginning (They’re all kind of jerks) but things don’t start to get life-threatening until Frank (Wise) decides to take a shortcut to gramma’s house. It is that decision that becomes the catalyst for all the trouble they end up facing.
DON’T:
Pick up, hitchhikers. I don’t care what they look like. I don’t if they appear to be in trouble or not. Serial killers, psychos, and murders come in all different flavors. Do not tempt fate by bringing an ax murderer (or in this case, an apparition) in your car. Unless they happen to be a wandering three-year-old or a puppy, it’s not worth the risk (and sometimes not even then). Call 911 from the car and keep on moving.
DO:
Stay in your behind in the car. Suffice it to say that every time someone gets out of the car in this movie, bad things happen. Which leads me to my next don’t:
DON’T:
Let your girl walk by herself down a dark scary road in the woods. Imma say that louder for the people in back. DON’T LET YOUR GIRL WALK BY HERSELF DOWN A DARK SCARY ROAD IN THE WOODS.
I don’t know, maybe I’m old school in the thinking that if your daughter or fiance or sister elects to get out of the car to let in a creepy hitchhiker and you let her do it without some serious objections that maybe it might suggest a general lack of chivalry on your part. And also a lack of common frickin' sense. I mean, the likelihood of your girl getting jumped by a rapist is pretty high on a dark scary road in the middle of the woods. It doesn’t even have to be a supernatural rapist, either.
DON’T:
Jerk off in the woods. Just don’t do that on general principle. As a side note, don't sleep with mysterious naked women in the woods either. I should think the reason is obvious.
DO:
Carry a weapon of sort, but DON’T bother if you’re dealing with ghosts. I mean, at a certain point in the story, I was a little surprised that it hadn’t fully hit the remaining members of the family that a gun is probably not going to do much in a supernatural situation. As the family so hilariously demonstrates, you’re more likely to hurt yourself before you’d do a ghost any harm.
DON’T:
Mess with your exposed brain...should it happen to become exposed from cracking your head on the cement. Again, just don’t on general principle.
DO:
Too high...apparently. Anyway, let’s do this thing.
Dead End starring Ray Wise, Lin Shaye, Mick Cain, Alexandra Holden, William Rosenfeld, and Amber Smith.
A family is going on a road trip to grandma’s house only to end up on an unending highway where a ghostly apparition begins stalking and systematically murdering them one by one.
Now, instead of doing the normal breakdown of the movie (because the premise is pretty straight forward), I decided to do a little Do’s and Don’t’s list for finding yourself in a horror movie while traveling for the holidays.
DO:
Stay on the main road. I cannot stress this enough. STAY ON THE MAIN ROAD.
The problems with this family are numerous from the beginning (They’re all kind of jerks) but things don’t start to get life-threatening until Frank (Wise) decides to take a shortcut to gramma’s house. It is that decision that becomes the catalyst for all the trouble they end up facing.
DON’T:
Pick up, hitchhikers. I don’t care what they look like. I don’t if they appear to be in trouble or not. Serial killers, psychos, and murders come in all different flavors. Do not tempt fate by bringing an ax murderer (or in this case, an apparition) in your car. Unless they happen to be a wandering three-year-old or a puppy, it’s not worth the risk (and sometimes not even then). Call 911 from the car and keep on moving.
DO:
Stay in your behind in the car. Suffice it to say that every time someone gets out of the car in this movie, bad things happen. Which leads me to my next don’t:
DON’T:
Let your girl walk by herself down a dark scary road in the woods. Imma say that louder for the people in back. DON’T LET YOUR GIRL WALK BY HERSELF DOWN A DARK SCARY ROAD IN THE WOODS.
I don’t know, maybe I’m old school in the thinking that if your daughter or fiance or sister elects to get out of the car to let in a creepy hitchhiker and you let her do it without some serious objections that maybe it might suggest a general lack of chivalry on your part. And also a lack of common frickin' sense. I mean, the likelihood of your girl getting jumped by a rapist is pretty high on a dark scary road in the middle of the woods. It doesn’t even have to be a supernatural rapist, either.
DON’T:
Jerk off in the woods. Just don’t do that on general principle. As a side note, don't sleep with mysterious naked women in the woods either. I should think the reason is obvious.
DO:
Carry a weapon of sort, but DON’T bother if you’re dealing with ghosts. I mean, at a certain point in the story, I was a little surprised that it hadn’t fully hit the remaining members of the family that a gun is probably not going to do much in a supernatural situation. As the family so hilariously demonstrates, you’re more likely to hurt yourself before you’d do a ghost any harm.
DON’T:
Mess with your exposed brain...should it happen to become exposed from cracking your head on the cement. Again, just don’t on general principle.
DO:
Avoid weird stuff in the road. Note: This advice that circles back to staying in your car.
And lastly, DO:
Be a decent human being. I can’t say that I mourned any of the deaths in this movie because they all kind of sucked in their own way. I imagine that was the whole point though, which, in a horror movie, I have no objections to. Horror has always sort of been a good reflection into society’s moral compass, so if you’re a jerk in a horror movie, that usually works against you. Basically, do your best not to be an ass.
So, I was pretty sure I was gonna raspberry this one, but I think Dead End falls in the range of the “OMGTHISMOVIEISSOBADILOVEIT” file in my brain. I’m not gonna lie. It’s terrible. It’s really, really bad and if not for some really memorable moments with Lin Shaye in particular, I’d have panned this movie in a heartbeat. That being said, Dead End gets a jewel.
Okay, so next week we’re covering a newer movie -- The Girl with All the Gifts, which is great because I wanted to see this one when it was out! I love it when I get to see the movies I missed in the theatre. :D
O~
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