Sunday, September 18, 2022

#I'm Feeling Very Attacked


Hey, hey, Horror Nuts! Welcome to another edition of WTFHM!

So, if you haven't noticed, I've been gone for a week or so for a couple of reasons; I'm working on some ghostwriting projects but also...

I don't know how to talk about this week's movie.

And I honestly don't know if it's my broken social meter or what, but I feel like this week's movie lives outside of my own reality.

I mean, yeah, that's part of it, but mostly it's got to do with the fact that this one is in a league of its own. Like I really feel like it should be its own genre.

Wait.  Is this a new horror genre? Are we about to see a rise in "Among Us" horror movies?

Hmm. Okay, so...This week's Movie!

Bodies, Bodies, Bodies starring Amandla Stenberg, Maria Bakalova, Rachel Sennott, Chase Sui Wonders, Pete Davidson, Myha'la Herrold, Lee Pace, and Connor O'Malley

So, when I say this is "Among Us" horror, I'm not kidding. Here's how it breaks down.

Seven rich twenty-year-olds have a Hurricane Party at the house of one of their parents. Um...

Okay, I'm already hopeless at remembering names so I'm giving these guys colors instead in keeping with the Among Us theme.

Okay, so the party's at Pink's parent's house(Davidson). Now, there's a love triangle happening here, but I'll be real, I don't remember who was hooking up with who. I believe Pink is dating White(Wonders), but she used to date a dude named Max and he's pissed about that.

He's also pissed at Red's(Sennott) boyfriend Green(Pace) for some reason? Maybe White used to date him, too. Anyway, Pink's got beef with both dudes in this equation.

Green, by the way, canNOT be 20-something. He's easily thirty, but that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, Yellow(Stenberg) and Blue(Bakalova) show up late and unannounced to the party. Everybody's surprised, especially since Yellow and Brown(Herrold) used to date. Brown says she's cool with the new girlfriend, but, spoiler alert, she's not.

So, the party's going and Yellow gets the bright idea to play Bodies, Bodies, Bodies, which is a slumber party game where people run around in the dark accusing people of murder. Which totally can't go bad, right?

I mean, seven people with a reality show level of history playing a game where the whole point is to accuse one another of murder?  Yeah.

Honestly, it's all just base-level pettiness until the lights go out and they find Pink's body outside with his throat slit and the real fun begins.

Systematically, they all start accusing one another of murder as one by one they all get picked off. And they die in some pretty interesting ways.

They accuse Green of taking Pink out. In the argument, Green tries to defend himself, but gets a hand weight across the back of his head for his trouble thanks to Blue.

 Red falls down a flight of stairs, presumably pushed. And by this point, everyone's accusing Blue as sus. 

Brown arms herself, and during an argument where they're calling her sus, she accidentally on purpose shoots Red.

Following so far. Cool.


Brown chases Blue and Yellow calling them sus while they call her sus. She gets accidentally pushed off a balcony.

So, with just the two left, they end up fighting each other. In the scuffle, they find Pink's cell phone. They look on it and in the greatest gotcha moment since 1980's April Fool's Day, they find out who the murderer really is.

So, dig this (or scroll past, if you don't want to know)...

So, earlier in the film, Green showed off his ability to open a champagne bottle with a sword. Which everyone thought was cool.

Everyone except for Pink, who was seething with jealousy about it.

So, Pink decides to record himself doing the trick. For TikTok. Guess how it went?

Nope. Not a joke. Pink slit his own damn throat, thus causing the whole crazy night. I literally said this in the movie theatre:

And thus, here is my dilemma.  Did I like this movie?  I don't know!  I appreciated it, for sure. It's a fabulous commentary on what it's like trying to differentiate reality from fantasy in this dystopian landscape we're currently living in.

But also, I'm not so keen on being duped. While I do own a copy of April Fool's Day, it's only in a historical kind of way. Like if my movie collection was a museum, I'd hold it up as the one time filmmakers thought it'd be cool to spend millions of dollars just to troll an audience.

So. I guess I'll give this a pending jewel. 

I think I might really like this one in the future, but right now. Undecided.

Next week's movie!  Maybe we'll go see Barbarian since it's this year's "Scariest Movie of the Year".

Suuuure it is.  See you next week!


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