Will Twerk For Horror Movies: This is Why We Twerks For Horror Movies

Hey, hey, Horror Nuts! Welcome to another edition of WTFHM!

I'll tell you what Gotdammit...

There are a lot of things that I love in this world and if this is the first time you're reading my blog and you didn't happen to see the sign on the way in, let me tell YOU!

And Giiiiirrrlll, when I watch a scary movie that gives me LIFE!?!?! It's like;

I'm not gonna say it's better than sex, but it's at least a close fourth.

Let me tell you about this week's movie:

No Exit starring Havana Rose Liu, Danny Ramirez, David Rysdahl, Mila Harris, Dennis "The Allstate Guy" Haysbert, and Dale Dickey.

First things first, there be spoilers abound in this review, so be warned!

Okay, so, this is Darby(Liu). Darby just got to rehab and she hates it because as anyone who's ever done a stint there can tell you, it's not a resort.

So, Darby gets a call while in rehab from a friend telling her that her mom just had an aneurysm and is in the hospital and she needs to come see her mom. And call her sister, too. She tries to tell the administrators and, not surprisingly, they say "Sure you need to see your dying mother. We've heard that one before."

Darby takes it upon herself to sneak out. She steals a car and heads to the hospital to see her mom. Unfortunately, she drives into a blizzard and finds herself stranded in a visitor center with four other travelers.

So, Darby has been trying to reach her sister this whole time and now there's no service. She goes outside to find some cell service and finds a van with a young girl tied up in the back.

I know when Darby woke up that morning, she was not expecting to find herself in a full blown Agatha Christie mystery. The suspect roll call:

Ed(Haysbert) and Sandi(Dickey) are a couple on vacation. Ed is a former marine and likes to gamble. Sandi is a nurse and likes to side-eye her husband when he talks about gambling.

Lars(Rysdahl) who's traveling to Battle Mountain and is the living embodiment of Red Bull and Death Wish coffee. When he loses a game of bullshit, he has a highly suspicious full blown tantrum. And finally,

Ash(Ramirez) who is just way too fine to be walking amongst normal every day humans.

Anyway, Darby starts suspiciously watching everybody carefully before finally deciding to try and free the little girl in the van. She breaks in and very quickly finds out that the most obvious psycho in the room is the one driving the van when Lars comes out to the van to warm it up for the little girl.

So, she gets back inside and pulls Ash aside and tells him that Lars is really as crazy as everybody thinks. Ash comes up with a plan for her to go back out to the van and when Lars goes to follow, he'll jump him. Great plan...except Lars and Ash are in cohoots.

Thus proving what I've always thought in terms of guys in horror movies. Never trust a man who's clearly a crackhead, but, also, NEVER EVER trust a man who's too fine. Nine times out of ten, either way, he's going to ruin your whole day.

I'm telling you, y'all be out here worried about Psycho McCrazy when it's this dude is the one ready to split wigs.

So, now that Darby realizes that a much more competent psycho is in control of the situation, she spends the movie trying to free the girl, warn Ed and Sandi, call the cops, and try not to die all at once.

She does a helluva job too. During the course of the story, she's beat up, maced, nailed to a wall, and shot all trying to outwit Ash and Lars (Well, mostly Ash). Darby is working with Ellen Ripley level badassery and, Baby, I AM HERE FOR IT.

I mean, look at this man:

That is a man in pain! By the end of this movie, homeboy is pushed past the edge of "we gotta get this money" and starts barreling towards "IMMA KILL EVERYBODY".

I'm not gonna spoil the whole movie though. Plotwise, there are some pretty neat twists that take Darby's struggle to another level and as a somebody who makes it hard to get me to the edge of my seat, this one had me like: