Hey, hey, Horror Nuts! Welcome to another edition of WTFHM!
So, remember when I said that this week, I'd be doing A Quiet Place 2? Yeah...due to some unforeseen circumstances, I'm gonna have to put that off for the moment.
But never fear. I've got another movie all ready and according to Rotten Tomatoes, it's certified fresh!
Let's just get into it, shall we?
Jakob's Wife starring Barbara Crampton, Larry Fessenden, Bonnie Aarons, Nyisha Bell, Sarah Lind, Mark Kelly, Robert Rusler, Jay DeVon Johnson, and...C.M. Punk?
Anne(Crampton) is the wife of minister Jakob(Fessenden)...and she's bored. Fortunately for her, her ex-boyfriend that she's still kind of hot for comes into town on a business deal!
Anne takes her ex, (whose name is Tom Low(Rusler) and is heretofore always referred to as Tom Low), to the building that he's looking to buy which also happens to be a creepy warehouse.
Tom starts putting the moves on Anne while sitting on a mysterious crate and, well, wouldn't you know it, old Tom Low gets got.
2. The blood Anne drinks has to be human
We find this out when Anne tries to use bags of animal blood (Did you know you could buy animal blood from the deli? I mean...I hope that's not true. What would you use it for??) but it makes her sick and it doesn't work. After her severe mouth burn, she offs a neighbor and hey, all better!
3. Stakes and Holy Water work pretty good, no word on garlic, though.So, at a certain point, Jakob finds himself neck-deep in vampire problems. He immediately uses stakes and holy water like he's been a vampire hunter his whole life. I can only reason that maybe it's in the bible somewhere? Seems like something that would be in Revelations.
The fourth thing...well, it's a spoiler and this IS a new movie, so...yeah. If you can spot it, then Congratulations! you watch as many horror movies as I do.
Okay, Next week! No promises, but I'm gonna try to do A Quiet Place 2. If not...I'm sure I can find something just as good.
See you next time!!