Hidey-ho Horror Nuts! Welcome to another WTFHM!
So, I know I am supposed to be reviewing It Comes and Night and while I do plan on doing that, I’m going to push it back a week because it just so happens that this week is CHRISTMAS!
Yes, I still have room in my cold dead heart for Christmas. I’ll be watching lots of Christmas horror movies over the next few days so, let’s deviate from the rules this week and talk about the recent reboot of a classic.
This week’s movie!
Black Christmas starring Imogen Poots, Aleyse Shannon, Lily Donohue, Brittany O’Grady, Caleb Eberhardt, Simon Mead, Madeleine Adams, Nathalie Morris, Ben Black, Zoe Robins, Lucy Currey, and Cary Mf’n Elwes.
Yes, your favorite swashbuckling, skinny mustache wearing, “As-you-wish-death-can’t-stop-true-love-only-delay-it-a-while” first serious schoolgirl (and some of you boys – I see you) crush, Cary Elwes.
And girl, he is British in this one.
Now, since this is a current movie that’s still in theatres, it’s only fair to warn you that there will be spoilers, here. If you don’t want anything ruined for you, stop reading, right now. Go read a book or decorate a tree. It’s okay! I’ll see you next week. Thanks for stopping by!
Okay, so, first off, this is less of a remake and more of a reimagining of the classic movie…one that happens to be jumping on the Get Out/Stepford Wives style of horror. Not that I would dare to condescend to hate on Jordan Peele’s work. Get Out is still the reigning champ of Stepford remakes. I bow before its greatness.
However, Black Christmas 2019 is the newest in the trend of social justice horror and, quite frankly, this is a trend that I’m all the way here for, even when it really should have been an R movie. (This remake is PG-13…and it shows).
Aaaanyway, this is still a slasher movie, so let’s do a round of Blood, Boobs, Body Count, and Bad Acting.
Blood: D
There isn’t a whole lot of blood in this movie. There just isn’t. The most blood you get is what’s on the actresses as they defend themselves against their attackers. There’s even a prime moment where there could have been a great, gory shot.
They punk out though. I assume that’s an ax in her face. The world will never really know because that's all you really see.
Boobs: F+
No Boobs. None. Not even a side boob.
I imagine that might’ve been in poor taste given the subject matter of the movie? Like the whole overall point is that all the frat boys are possessed with the spirit of the sexist founder of the college and are killing women they feel are “out of line”. So, even though it’s a bad grade, I can understand the lack of boobage.
Body Count: D
There aren’t any stats available on the body count just yet, but by my count only about three or four of the sorority sisters bought the dust. I’m not counting all the frat boys that burned to death at the end, but if I did, that might hoist it up to about fourteen or fifteen…but then you don’t ever really count the killers in body counts so…yeah…
Bad Acting: F++
These were not bad actors and actresses? I mean, they weren’t award-winning either, but they all did a pretty good job. I don’t have any complaints.
That being said, I’d like to drop an honorable “Final Girl” mention to Aleyse Shannon who played Kris in the movie. She was giving me all kinds of Ripley in Aliens type energy in this movie. I can’t wait to see her in other things.
The overall grade is dismal, yes, I know, but I didn’t hate this movie. Honestly, the only thing keeping me from giving it a jewel is the fact that the filmmakers punked out and made it PG-13. This would have been a much better (and much scarier) movie if they’d just gone for the R. The subject of social justice can get messy…but, then, horror’s messy. What better way to drive the point home than to use all the resources horror has to offer.
Anyways, Next Week we finally do It Comes at Night and boy do I have a lot to say about it.
See you next week!
O~
*
Aaaanyway, this is still a slasher movie, so let’s do a round of Blood, Boobs, Body Count, and Bad Acting.
Blood: D
There isn’t a whole lot of blood in this movie. There just isn’t. The most blood you get is what’s on the actresses as they defend themselves against their attackers. There’s even a prime moment where there could have been a great, gory shot.
They punk out though. I assume that’s an ax in her face. The world will never really know because that's all you really see.
Boobs: F+
No Boobs. None. Not even a side boob.
I imagine that might’ve been in poor taste given the subject matter of the movie? Like the whole overall point is that all the frat boys are possessed with the spirit of the sexist founder of the college and are killing women they feel are “out of line”. So, even though it’s a bad grade, I can understand the lack of boobage.
Body Count: D
There aren’t any stats available on the body count just yet, but by my count only about three or four of the sorority sisters bought the dust. I’m not counting all the frat boys that burned to death at the end, but if I did, that might hoist it up to about fourteen or fifteen…but then you don’t ever really count the killers in body counts so…yeah…
Bad Acting: F++
These were not bad actors and actresses? I mean, they weren’t award-winning either, but they all did a pretty good job. I don’t have any complaints.
That being said, I’d like to drop an honorable “Final Girl” mention to Aleyse Shannon who played Kris in the movie. She was giving me all kinds of Ripley in Aliens type energy in this movie. I can’t wait to see her in other things.
The overall grade is dismal, yes, I know, but I didn’t hate this movie. Honestly, the only thing keeping me from giving it a jewel is the fact that the filmmakers punked out and made it PG-13. This would have been a much better (and much scarier) movie if they’d just gone for the R. The subject of social justice can get messy…but, then, horror’s messy. What better way to drive the point home than to use all the resources horror has to offer.
Anyways, Next Week we finally do It Comes at Night and boy do I have a lot to say about it.
See you next week!
O~
*
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