Hey, there, people. Welcome to another entry of Will Twerk for Horror Movies! This week’s movie is the kind of movie that puts the fun back in horror.
What? You say? Horror can be...fun? Yes! Some of the best horror I’ve ever seen is like going to a big corn syrup and red food coloring party. You know, which some latex confetti on the side.
So, Eddie: The Sleepwalking Cannibal starring Thure Lindhardt, Georgina Reilly, Dylan Smith, Alain Goulem, Stephen McHattie and Paul Braunstein. The story is pretty simple. Lars is a formally famous Dutch painter who’s hit a slump and decided to take a job as a teacher in a small town art school in Canada. When the school’s principal Harry (Goulem) tells Lars that the owner’s nephew Eddie(Smith) will come and sit in on his lessons. He tells Lars that Eddie is mentally ill, but pretty docile and to just tolerate him because, well, nepotism.
Lars does just that and takes to Eddie pretty quickly...even though Eddie likes to draw pretty messed up pictures.
Meanwhile, Lars isn’t having a whole lot of luck with the townsfolk. The local sheriff (Braunstein) harrassess him just for having the nerve to be a new guy in town and his neighbor wants to fight him because Lars had the audacity to become a famous painter and fall into a creative slump. I mean, the nerve, right? Even his hot coworker, Lesley(Reilly) won’t give him the time of day. Poor Lars can’t get any respect in his new digs.
That is until the owner of the school passes away unexpectedly and the fate of her nephew Eddie has to be decided. The task falls on the principal and staff, who get together and say: "Hey, Lars, Eddie likes you. He can stay at your house until we can get him placed in a home or something.”
And Lars because it’s bad form to say; “I don’t want to take care of a mentally ill person!” says okay.
It’s a relatively fine setup until Lars finds out that Eddie sleepwalks and when Eddie sleepwalks, he kills and eats things. This time, specifically a bunny. When he asks Lesley about this, Lesley goes; “Yeah, that happens when he’s stressed out or unhappy. It’ll be fine though.”
And since this is a horror movie and not a My Little Pony movie, you can see the rate of escalation.
So, Lars’ neighbor has a dog that barks all night and despite Lars politely asking for his neighbor to please shut his dog up, his requests are ignored. After a particularly sleepless night, Lars gets the bright idea to leave Eddie’s window open in the hopes that he might go and take care of the dog for him. The next morning, Lars finds his plan has worked…a little too well, in fact. When he goes to his neighbor’s house, he finds the corpse of a half eaten dog AND the half-eaten corpse of his neighbor.
Meanwhile, Lars isn’t having a whole lot of luck with the townsfolk. The local sheriff (Braunstein) harrassess him just for having the nerve to be a new guy in town and his neighbor wants to fight him because Lars had the audacity to become a famous painter and fall into a creative slump. I mean, the nerve, right? Even his hot coworker, Lesley(Reilly) won’t give him the time of day. Poor Lars can’t get any respect in his new digs.
That is until the owner of the school passes away unexpectedly and the fate of her nephew Eddie has to be decided. The task falls on the principal and staff, who get together and say: "Hey, Lars, Eddie likes you. He can stay at your house until we can get him placed in a home or something.”
And Lars because it’s bad form to say; “I don’t want to take care of a mentally ill person!” says okay.
It’s a relatively fine setup until Lars finds out that Eddie sleepwalks and when Eddie sleepwalks, he kills and eats things. This time, specifically a bunny. When he asks Lesley about this, Lesley goes; “Yeah, that happens when he’s stressed out or unhappy. It’ll be fine though.”
And since this is a horror movie and not a My Little Pony movie, you can see the rate of escalation.
So, Lars’ neighbor has a dog that barks all night and despite Lars politely asking for his neighbor to please shut his dog up, his requests are ignored. After a particularly sleepless night, Lars gets the bright idea to leave Eddie’s window open in the hopes that he might go and take care of the dog for him. The next morning, Lars finds his plan has worked…a little too well, in fact. When he goes to his neighbor’s house, he finds the corpse of a half eaten dog AND the half-eaten corpse of his neighbor.
Freaked out, Lars does the only logical thing, call the cops he put the body parts in his freezer. The thrill of the event sends Lars into a creative blitz and he goes inside and paints feverishly. Renewed by his latest work, he calls up his dealer, Ronny (McHattie) or, as I like to call him, Canadian Lance Henriksen.
Seriously, he looks like Lance Henriksen. I just found this online. I didn’t even have to create this picture. Just typed Stephen McHattie and Google autofilled to Stephen McHattie Lance Henriksen.
Anyway, Ronny comes into town and tells him that his new painting is the literal bomb and he’ll give him a bag of money for it. Lars accepts and donates the money to the school. This selfless act makes everyone happy AND scores major brownie points with Lesley.
Lars decides that the best way to obtain respect is to buy it and what better way to get the money than to commit more murder? After he catches three ice fishers making fun of Eddie in the parking lot of a grocery store, Lars decides that the school needs some more money.
So, he ties a dead rabbit to his snowmobile and waits for Eddie to sleepwalk. Once outside, Lars leads Eddit to where the ice fishers are...ice fishing. Eddie promptly murders them and Lars bags the bodies. After he gets home, he paints another brilliant painting.
Lars donates more money to the school and manages to score a date with the Lesley. Somewhere in all that, Lesley hints that the school could use a little more money, leaving Lars to start hatching a plan to get someone else killed. He sits down with Eddie and tells him just one more time and we’re done. Okay? Okay!
Only, Eddie doesn’t sleep walk this time. Confused, Eddie asks Lesley about it and she tells him that it’s because Eddie’s not stressed anymore. He’s happy living with Lars, clearly. Lars immediately starts thinking of ways to change that. Then Lesley shows Lars her new sculpture, like all “Look! Look at my masterpiece!”
Apparently, it’s really good because Lars’ reacts logically bybeing supportive putting down her hard work and talking to her as if she’d just given him her macaroni picture from third grade.
Seriously, he looks like Lance Henriksen. I just found this online. I didn’t even have to create this picture. Just typed Stephen McHattie and Google autofilled to Stephen McHattie Lance Henriksen.
Anyway, Ronny comes into town and tells him that his new painting is the literal bomb and he’ll give him a bag of money for it. Lars accepts and donates the money to the school. This selfless act makes everyone happy AND scores major brownie points with Lesley.
Lars decides that the best way to obtain respect is to buy it and what better way to get the money than to commit more murder? After he catches three ice fishers making fun of Eddie in the parking lot of a grocery store, Lars decides that the school needs some more money.
So, he ties a dead rabbit to his snowmobile and waits for Eddie to sleepwalk. Once outside, Lars leads Eddit to where the ice fishers are...ice fishing. Eddie promptly murders them and Lars bags the bodies. After he gets home, he paints another brilliant painting.
Lars donates more money to the school and manages to score a date with the Lesley. Somewhere in all that, Lesley hints that the school could use a little more money, leaving Lars to start hatching a plan to get someone else killed. He sits down with Eddie and tells him just one more time and we’re done. Okay? Okay!
Only, Eddie doesn’t sleep walk this time. Confused, Eddie asks Lesley about it and she tells him that it’s because Eddie’s not stressed anymore. He’s happy living with Lars, clearly. Lars immediately starts thinking of ways to change that. Then Lesley shows Lars her new sculpture, like all “Look! Look at my masterpiece!”
Apparently, it’s really good because Lars’ reacts logically by
Lars has an attitude now and while shopping, he takes it out on Eddie. Feeling bad after, he apologizes and everything’s copacetic...until Eddie starts sleepwalking again. Only this time, he’s gone on a rampage. Lots and lots of people in town are now getting eaten. Lars, again, does the logical thing and calls the cops goes home and starts painting another brilliant picture.
Meanwhile, the local sheriff who’d been giving Lars a hard time for no real reason has come over to apologize for his behavior. He’s interrupting Lars and Lars is behaving like a drug addict trying to hide the fact that he’s high. As he’s about to leave, Lars notices the pandemonium outside of his house, he starts coming up with reasons why officer jerk needs not to leave just yet. Fortunately, the sheriff has paperwork for him to sign for Eddie so he can go to a nice group home. Lars takes the paperwork into the next room to fill it out real quick.
The sheriff happens to notice some of Eddie’s crayon artwork and happens to find one that details one of Eddie and Lars murder trips, where they put some bodies in the freezer out back. So, the sheriff goes out to the freezer only to find lots of dead body pieces...just in time to catch a rock to the head from Lars.
So. Lars now having actually killed someone himself, gets new inspiration for his artwork. So, he comes back to paint onto to find Lesley who tells him she just saw Eddie killing people. Eddie comes in and tries to kill them, of course. After battling Eddie and nearly dying, Lars finishes his final painting.
But. You know. He doesn’t die. Neither does Eddie. They all live happily ever after, actually. Yeah, he doesn't even do jail time.
All right, so what do I give this one? I’d say this is worth a jewel. I can even forgive the fact that they don’t ever show any of the artwork other than Eddie’s crayon art. I would have liked to have seen some cool bloody paintings too.
Okay, so we’re skipping next week because I’ll be out of town. But when I come back we’ll review Evil Behind You. See you next time!
O~
*
Meanwhile, the local sheriff who’d been giving Lars a hard time for no real reason has come over to apologize for his behavior. He’s interrupting Lars and Lars is behaving like a drug addict trying to hide the fact that he’s high. As he’s about to leave, Lars notices the pandemonium outside of his house, he starts coming up with reasons why officer jerk needs not to leave just yet. Fortunately, the sheriff has paperwork for him to sign for Eddie so he can go to a nice group home. Lars takes the paperwork into the next room to fill it out real quick.
The sheriff happens to notice some of Eddie’s crayon artwork and happens to find one that details one of Eddie and Lars murder trips, where they put some bodies in the freezer out back. So, the sheriff goes out to the freezer only to find lots of dead body pieces...just in time to catch a rock to the head from Lars.
So. Lars now having actually killed someone himself, gets new inspiration for his artwork. So, he comes back to paint onto to find Lesley who tells him she just saw Eddie killing people. Eddie comes in and tries to kill them, of course. After battling Eddie and nearly dying, Lars finishes his final painting.
But. You know. He doesn’t die. Neither does Eddie. They all live happily ever after, actually. Yeah, he doesn't even do jail time.
All right, so what do I give this one? I’d say this is worth a jewel. I can even forgive the fact that they don’t ever show any of the artwork other than Eddie’s crayon art. I would have liked to have seen some cool bloody paintings too.
Okay, so we’re skipping next week because I’ll be out of town. But when I come back we’ll review Evil Behind You. See you next time!
O~
*
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