Sunday, May 13, 2018

Nothing to see here!

This week’s movie! Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things starring Alan Ormsby, Valerie Mamches, Jeff Gillen, Anya Ormsby, Paul Cronin, and Jane Daly. Gather around the campfire!

So, once upon a time in 1972, whenever the leader of a theatre troupe thought that his actors weren’t properly motivated enough, he would gather them together, take them to secluded island with a graveyard, dig up a couple of bodies, light some black candles in a pentagram and call on the dark one to raise said bodies. And if the actors were particular stubborn, the leader of said troop would take one of the dead bodies to an old cabin and engage his actors in a party with it. You know. Normal stuff.

I know what you’re thinking. What the hell kind of crazy people are these characters? Who goes to a graveyard and digs up bodies – for fun?? Or theatrical motivation or whatever? What the hell are we talking about Ophelia???

Yeah, I don’t really know. But I have to admit, I love that the setup makes it all seem like this is, just, normal college student shenanigans. I mean, it all does have a bit of a Scooby Doo feel to it. “This week, the gang try to raise the dead and party with a dead body!” Cue running through different doors in a hallway montage!

But I’m not mad at this movie. Ormsby as the theatre troupe director and all around creep leads the cast through certain disaster as he convinces them all that everything he’s doing with them is a totally normal way to develop your acting skills. Daly plays the pretty, yet eager ingenue who goes along with this haywire plan while making snide remarks along the way – which by the way, I have to point out something before I go on. In the beginning of the movie, Alan (Ormsby) is checking out Terry’s(Daly) ass and propositions her all like: “You know, back in the day slave masters would bang the new girls to break them in”. She responds with something like; “Too late, perv. I lost my virginity to an Eagle Scout when I was just a Brownie!”

*record scratch*

It’s been a minute since I knew anything about Girl Scouts, but I’m pretty sure Brownies were the really young Girl Scouts. Like the 6 to 10-year olds, right? Y’all are just gonna blow right past that?


So, anyway, all that I’ve mentioned sounds pretty out there, but the fun doesn’t start until the gang realizes that their little day trip has gone way south when their “pretend” Whoodoo-voodoo has actually raised the dead in the graveyard leaving them to fight for their lives. Who knew, right?

All told, I just can’t bring myself to give this one a raspberry, though, it’s not among the best low budget 70s horror that I’m acquainted with. I recognize its place in the lexicon, however, so no haterade in this review. This movie is absurd, but still 70s low budget cool, so I’ll give it a nod for the culture.

Next week! Well…Not sure what I’m watching next week. I did pick out a movie, but I seemed to have misplaced it. :/:/ So, I guess next week is going to be a surprise.

-- O ~

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