THE DISRESPECT!!!

 

Hey, hey, Horror Nuts!  Welcome to another edition of WTFHM!

Ah, relationships. Don't you just love love and marriage and all that jazz?

Okay, so it's not for everyone. It's particularly not for people who go to the carnival to ride every single ride in the park. I'm not slut-shaming, here. If you like to get down with more than one person at a time, go for it. Have fun. But if you decide you want to get married and this is you:

Let your boo know before you walk down the aisle. I'm just saying, couples that play together stay together and if your SO doesn't play well with others, well, maybe they just aren't the ones for you.

Case in point, this week's movie!

Deep Water starring Ben Affleck, Ana De Armas, Tracie Letts, Gracie Jenkins, Dash Mihok, Rachel Blanchard, Kristen Connolly, Jacob Elordi, Lil Rel Howery, and Brendan Miller.

So, once upon a time, Vic(Affleck), Melinda(de Armas) and Trixie(Jenkins) were one big happy family...or so it seemed. At the beginning of this movie, Vic and Melinda are heading out to a party.

At the party, Melinda meets another man...I forget his name so let's just call him Brad Damon(Miller). Anyway, she very, unabashedly starts flirting with him and almost immediately goes to make out in a dark corner with him.

Now, at a certain point, Brad Damon (who has earned that name because he looks like this, btw)




...decides to introduce himself to Vic and they engage in a dick measuring contest, of which Vic wins by suggesting that he murdered Melinda's last "good friend".

Well, word gets around that he said that to Brad and Melinda has the nerve to be pissed because, you see, that "good friend" went missing about a month ago. She tells him that he has to apologize to Brad Damon and for some reason that I don't understand, he agrees.

So, they have Brad Damon over for dinner. The dinner quickly dissolves into bickering between Vic and Melinda and Vic lobbies another threat Brad Damon's way. Brad Damon, (arguably the smarter of Melinda's lovers) dips out soon after.

Come to find out later, Melinda's first "good friend" has been found dead and now their mutual friend, Don(Letts) is giving Vic the stinkeye because Vic makes drones for a living.

So, everything seems cool between Vic and Melinda until Vic gets a call about a bounced 3,000 dollar check for some "piano lessons". He does a little investigating and wouldn't you know it:

Yes, that is Melinda and by my count, boyfriend number 3, The Piano Man(Elordi). So, she starts staying out all night to bone the Piano Man, at which point, Vic confronts her.

She's all like, "Hey, you want to know Piano Man's dick size?" and he's all like, "But we're married, we have a family" and she's all like "So?"

Okay, the next party they go to is a pool party. Melinda, of course, invites Piano Man and basically dry humps him all night in the pool in front of all their friends. 
 

Towards the end of the night, it starts raining and everybody gets out of the pool except Vic and Piano Man, who's had waaay too much to drink. Vic sees his opportunity and drowns the dude.

A little while later, they find Piano Man's body in the pool and after a failed attempt to save him, the police are called and they question everybody. Melinda is immediately looking at Vic like, "YOU KILLED HIM, YOU BASTARD!" Friend Don agrees because, you know, that whole rumor about killing boyfriend number one and the fact he makes drones and all.

Anyway, over the course of the next few days, Vic finds out his wife and Don are conspiring to prove that he murdered Piano Man. Vic finds out about it, confronts both Melinda, Don, AND the private investigator that they hired and tells them all to knock it off.

Okay, so, enter boyfriend number 4.

Girl, Yes. BOYFRIEND NUMBER 4! 

So, Boyfriend number 4, let's call him Dead Man Walking. Melinda invites Dead Man Walking over for dinner with the story being that he's an ex that just blew into town.

Well, it doesn't take Vic long to handle that situation.  With a big rock. Over the head. DMW falls down a cliff and Vic dumps him into a creek.

So, one day, Melinda says to Vic, let's go for a picnic out by the gorge where you obviously murdered my last boyfriend because I haven't heard from him in a couple of days. They do and Vic finds the body hasn't sunk to the bottom of the creek despite his efforts. He and Melinda leave, Melinda says something about losing a scarf.

He heads back to the scene of the crime where he finds Don who's all, "Gotcha! I'm calling the police" and jumps in his car.

What happens next is about the dumbest car chase I may've ever seen. I don't think I have the strength to go into it, but it ends with Don driving off a cliff and dying.

Now.



Somewhere in there, Melinda finds DMW's wallet in Vic's snail sanctuary (He breeds snails for some reason) and burns it. When he gets home, she tells him only that she saw DMW, indicating that she knows he killed him.

And that's it, folks.  That's the damn movie. Wanna guess what I thought of it?

 

Okay, so, it's my understanding (at least according to Wikipedia and probably the book it's based on) that they are supposed to have an open relationship. Like, she's open to pursuing other relationships. This really isn't indicated in the movie. Whenever one of Vic's friends is like, "So, you're just gonna let that happen", he just says something to the effect of him not micromanaging their relationship. He barely indicates her seeing other men is a prearranged thing.

BUT EVEN IF THAT WAS THE ARRANGEMENT, it's pretty clear that Melinda's propensity for heauxing has NOT been discussed to the degree it needed to be discussed. Especially since the absence of that discussion ended up resulting in two (possibly three) deaths. And another thing:

And Melinda's level ten disrespect is staggering. I'm not trying to promote domestic violence, but I gotta real when I say I am legitimately surprised Vic didn't kill her instead of her boyfriends. In the very least, divorce would have been way easier.

But, hey. Shout out to Brad Damon who was smart enough to skip town early in this dumpster fire of a story. Kind of wish I had, too.

Next week! No Exit, a movie I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna like, but I hope I'm wrong.  See you guys next week!

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