Slow Cooking for Jesus

Hey, hey, Horror Nuts!  Welcome to another edition of WTFHM!

So, hey, guys, how's it going this week?  Doing good? Having a good weekend? Working hard, hardly working and all that?

That's great. Hey, listen, can we talk about religion for a second?  Okay, maybe not religion exactly, but how about religion in the context of horror movies?

Now, if you've been following this blog for a while, then you've probably read my stance on religious horror.  (If not, check out my entry for Evil Behind You)

But basically, it breaks down like this;  Religious horror (specifically horror movies with Christian themes) comes in two flavors - scary and sermony. I'm not really a fan of sermony religious horror, not just because it's sermony, but because, well...most of the time, it's just not scary in any way.

Which is the biggest offense I can think of that any horror movie can make. Like, as a filmmaker, you literally have one job.  You can make it artistic and pretty and do whatever style you want, but if I'm falling asleep when I should be clutching my popcorn, you failed at your one job.

That being said, how does this week's movie hold up? Was it scary? Let's get into it:

Saint Maud starring Morfyyd Clark, Caoilfhionn Dunne, Jennifer Ehle, Marcus Hutton, Lily Knight, and Lily Frazer.

This is Maud(Clark). Maud is a personal care nurse.  She also really loves God. Love that for her.

This is Amanda(Ehle), the woman Maud is caring for. Maud takes pretty good care of her...until...well...

See, Amanda used to be a dancer and like most creative types, she's, um, lived.

So, Maud isn't down with her heathenous ways, so she decides to take on the mission of "saving" her.  The first step to doing that being to tell her lady friend to kick rocks...which she does between spontaneous orgasms.

Lemme explain, Maud...well, Maud gets orgasms from God. She always sees clouds and liquids swirling and...

Yeah, I think it's safe to say that Maud is less touched by God and more touched in the head.

We see some indications of her madness, sure, but the hallucinations are pretty vivid and, admittedly, there are some moments when even I was doubting whether or not she really was Godly, or just nuts.

Anyway, Maud is doing just fine on her mission to save Amanda when Amanda decides to throw a party and has the audacity to invite her lady friend...you know, because she's grown as hell.  Well, Maud doesn't care for that, much:

Yeaaah, that'll get you fired, which is exactly what happens. 

Distraught over losing her job, Maud spirals a little. She does into a bar, gives a dude a handjob, has sex with another dude while hallucinating, you know, normal stuff.

So, after her little lapse in judgement, she gets even deeper into her fervor and that's when things get really freaky.

Maud's gone completely off the deep end, folks. And being that she's no longer with us in the sane world, she decides that Amanda's soul is a soul worth saving.  So she gets dressed up in her best sheet and breaks into Amanda's house.

Now...it's at this point that I hesitate to continue for spoiler's sake.  See, this movie is an extremely slow burn and it's quite possible that the average attention span might waver a little. If you're still watching at this point, however, well...lemme tell you...

So, from this moment on if you want to be surprised, just skip to the end of this blog. Shit is about to get really real.

So, dig this:

Maud breaks into Amanda's house and, at first, it's a pretty okay conversation. Amanda's on her deathbed, she apologizes for faking the funk in pretending to believe what Maud believes and it's all good...until, out of the blue...

Amanda is apparently some kind of Hell Demon. So Maud does the only thing she can do. Stab Amanda until her hand cramps up.

Having vanquished the monster, Maud goes home, washes off the blood, sprouts angel wings, takes a gallon of flammable liquid and a lighter and heads to the beach.

Maud sets herself on fire and ascends to heaven quite dramatically...

Or she just burns to death.  Same thing, different perspective.

So...

There's a thing that I learned when watching movies and reading books. And that is, quite simply:

A very true statement. The ending of a story can bring the entire tale together and, folks, I am here for it.

This was creepy, disturbing, and very well executed. Jewel for this one, naturally.

Okay, so next week's movie! Doing a little something for Christmas! Gonna watch The Lodge or...maybe Silent Night (2021) or something else?  Tune in next time to Find out!

See you next week!
-O~
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