I Really Am Too Old for This Shit

 

Hey, hey, Horror Nuts!  Welcome to another edition of WTFHM!

This week, I got treated to a slasher movie!  During Halloween season, even!  It's a really wonderful thing because as you probably already know, I loves me a good slasher movie.

Lately, though, a lot of the newer slasher movies have left me feeling like...well...

I mean, I never wanted to be like, "In my day, we used to watch our slasher movies uphill both ways", but here we are. There was something very...young about this movie and at the time, I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it is.

And then, I was milling through the library last week and found this:

And I was so pissed. 

NOT because it's a book too, but because I didn't KNOW it was a book and I have a strict "we read the book first" policy. And now, I can't read it. 

What does that have to do with me being old? Well, I'll get to that in a bit. In the meantime, I'll get over it...but I won't like it.  Anyway, this week's movie:

There's Someone Inside Your House starring Sydney Park, Theodore Pellerin, Ashja Cooper, Dale Whibley, Jesse LaTourette, Diego Josef, Burkley Duffield, BJ Harrison, and Zane Clifford.

Okay, so this story is about...well, it's a high school slasher film. Pretty basic setup. Like, the opening scene is basically the opening scene to Scream except instead of Drew Barrymore being hacked to death in suburbia, it's a Dudebro being hacked to death in a farmhouse. 

So, with the star quarterback dead, our ragtag group of friends find themselves in the middle of a bonafide game of who's the killer?  

I have to say, I thought the killer design was pretty interesting. See, THIS killer wears a 3D printed mask of his victims and he knows everyone's secrets and exposes them when he kills them. 

Okay, so, when it comes to slasher films, I like to do a little grading system in lieu of a synopsis that I call Blood, Boobs, Body Count, and Bad Acting. How does this one hold up?  Let's see.

Blood: A

There was a nice amount of blood in this one and some decent kills reminiscent of old school Friday the 13th kind of kills. Knives through whole skulls, backs, mouths, neck slices...very, very gruesome. No decapitation, though. Meh, maybe in the sequel.

Boobs: F

Nope. Very little cleavage, no town slut, no onscreen sex. Not even a sideboob here. Sorry, folks.

But that's okay in this case because it felt logical for the movie's pace and the characters in the movie and not purposely forced like some more recent slasher movies lately.  Honestly, I'm neither for or against boobs in slasher movies, just...if you're going to take them out of the movie, make it make sense, please?  This one does that. Take note, filmmakers.

Body Count: B

A good number of the characters die...but not enough to get a higher grade. Five people is too low a number for a slasher flick in my honest opinion.

Bad Acting: F

Big F. The cast, ALL the cast, killed it. I'm not saying this was an oscar-winning performance or anything, but these actors have some real skills. I was impressed!

So, the big question. Did I like this one?

I mean...I appreciated it. It felt like a real slasher movie in almost every sense and if I was fourteen, this would be my jam.

But as I said earlier, there was something in it that felt younger than me. Maybe because the novel it's based on is a Young Adult novel? While I don't have anything against YA novels at all, they are designed for humans of a particular age plot-wise.

That being said, I can confidently say this movie does not deserve a raspberry...but it's not quite a full-on jewel, so...

Okay, so next week!  I've been trying to get to Halloween Kills, so let's make that happen, huh?  See you next week!

O~
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